Friday, March 28, 2008

that little voice in me


I have spent the last two days at the Society for Behavioral Medicine annual conference. These conferences often serve several purposes for me. I often get fired up, ready to finally write that review paper I have put on the back burner, ready to network, ready to dive into various research endeavors. But attending a conference often leaves me feeling inadequate as well (a theme in this blog?). Powerpoint presentation after Powerpoint presentation, p-value after p-value, I sit in an overly air-conditioned conference room pondering my place in this massive field. But today I had an important and meaningful revelation.

More than in previous years, the conference has gone back to talking about the individual. In recent years, it has most certainly become the trend to focus research and intervention efforts at the population level. This is definitely where I think the biggest impact can be made and this is why I have decided to pursue the Master's in Public Health. But it was quite clear to me that there was a small but detectable shift back towards talking about the individual this year. Not only that but (gasp!), the role of the clinician.

One talk that moved me in particular--a keynote address this afternoon--discussed ways to help folks dealing with a devastating diagnosis. It was during these various talks that I realized that I really love clinical work. I even got choked up a bit thinking about some of the patients I have gotten to know so intimately over the years, several of whom have been dealing with their own diagnosis or that of a loved one. It made me realize what a blessed experience it is to get to sit in a room with someone for an hour and try everything you can to make a difference in this one person's life. Coincidentally (?), I then attended a talk where a graduate of my program discussed her very difficult and unsupported decision to switch from academia to a more clinical career.

I don't know what I will do with all of this information. This certainly isn't the first time that I have had this revelation. And it probably won't be the last. But perhaps the latest revelation will serve as a comfort to me. If this whole research thing doesn't work out for me, I actually really love clinical work. It brings me a heck of a lot more daily joy than writing a research paper ever will. Worth noting indeed.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

You have a genuine desire to help those in need....and on a personal level. And that makes you MUCH too valuable for a life in academia and research! :^)

kdh said...

aw thanks love. you might be a bit biased but i certainly think you are onto something. :)

Reverend Bluejeans said...

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by research, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the litany of endless information longing for an insightful fix. Health minded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry academic dynamo in the higher education machinery of the night. Who, with vacant and tattered and hollow eyes, sit up dreaming in the supernatural darkness, floating atop the cities contemplating the self-reports and the outcomes and the variables of data. Who bared their brains to Heaven and saw the angels staggering by in torn robes and battered wings...

kdh said...

reverend bluejeans. you're brilliant.